Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
