I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
