New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
