your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
