I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
