i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
