Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
