I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
