we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didn't notice because vodka
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
