miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
