The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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