He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
