um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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