We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
