oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
