Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
