This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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