It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
