Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
