There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
