you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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