So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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