put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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