Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
