Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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