"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
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I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize