A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
