Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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