This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
