I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They have beer where we have blood.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
