I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
