u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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