I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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