I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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