So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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