My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
