we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
