it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize