you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
