I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize