dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
