I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
