All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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