It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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