Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
