If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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