so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
