JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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