ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
