I bet he comes in French.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
