And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
