What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
