I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
