In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
