Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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