I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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