At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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