true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize