Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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