Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i believe in u and ur pee
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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