This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
