I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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