it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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