I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
