Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All the doctor said was why
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize